just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
