i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
