wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
