counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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