I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you never un-have a 4some
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
