Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
