I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
