dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
