I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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