Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
