remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
