Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
