508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
