if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
