His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
