Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
How external is "for external use only"?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
