Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
