fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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