You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
