But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
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I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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