She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
