you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
NoShamevember. You game?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
