OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
