Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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