So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?