So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol