Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you suck at this game today
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.