The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
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well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
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You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me