I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
