plz talk dirty to me
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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