i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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