I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
