I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Of course I have a pirate flag
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
