What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
not ubering you a puppy
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
