My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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