Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
