just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
