Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
