it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
