that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
