Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
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I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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