I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
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Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
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We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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