Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
