i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
