I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have post one night stand depression
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