3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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