three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
