By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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