You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
