I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
