Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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