Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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