Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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