I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
