So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
