just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
