Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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