Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
