i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
