gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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