you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
