It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
