have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
