Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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