they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
