Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
