i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize