I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
