Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
